Raising Confident Quitters
Teaching Kids the Value and Art of Quitting Well
In a world that glorifies resilience and persistence—and champions the idea of "sticking it out"—we often give quitting a bad rap. But what if we’ve got it wrong? Instead of just teaching our kids to push through, shouldn't we be equipping them with the invaluable skill of knowing when to walk away—and how to do it well?
Why Are We So Determined to Teach Our Kids to “Stick It Out?”
Fear: We’re afraid of the consequences they might face or that others might perceive their decisions as failures—often a projection of our own insecurities.
Exhaustion: Evaluating our kids’ circumstances in a meaningful way and finding (and executing) alternative solutions takes effort and time—additional resources we may not have to give.
Lack of Awareness: Let’s face it, sometimes our kids don’t share everything with us—or even worse, we overlook or don’t recognize that they’re trying to communicate they need help or guidance.
The Problem with “Sticking It Out”
Encouraging or forcing our kids to stay in unfulfilling, unhelpful—or sometimes harmful—situations sends a powerful and damaging message to our kids. It teaches them to suppress their inner voice, the very voice that tells them when something isn’t right. When they learn to ignore these signals, they begin to believe that their needs and well-being are less important than pleasing others, leading them to consistently prioritize others’ opinions over their own, eroding their sense of self-worth and autonomy.
Instead of fostering confidence and agency, we inadvertently encourage them to conform to expectations that don’t serve their true selves. This contradicts the very values of self-respect, authenticity, and courage that we strive to instill in them.
What Quitting Well Is Not
Let me be clear—quitting well isn’t:
Giving Up: It isn’t a knee-jerk reaction because something is difficult—unless the situation is dangerous or destructive.
Weakness: It isn’t taking the path of least resistance.
Being Rescued: It isn’t running away from—or running toward—something to avoid discomfort.
Quitting well is about pursuing a more meaningful and fulfilling alternative and taking the necessary steps to get there. It doesn’t signal failure; it shows growth. Flexibility, pivoting, and changing our minds are crucial to personal development.
The Art of Quitting Well
Quitting well requires thoughtful evaluation.
It calls for careful consideration of the circumstances, weighing the pros and cons, and reflecting on the long-term implications of leaving. Thoughtful quitting means taking the time to assess whether staying in a situation aligns with one’s values, well-being, and growth—or if walking away would open the door to better opportunities. It involves asking hard questions, seeking sound advice, and looking beyond the immediate emotions to the bigger picture.
Quitting well requires maturity.
It requires emotional and intellectual awareness, as well as the courage to recognize when persistence is no longer in one’s best interest. Maturely quitting means understanding that leaving a situation isn’t failure but rather choosing what is right over what is easy. It’s about facing any potential fallout with grace and responsibility and having the strength to let go of the familiar or comfortable in pursuit of what is truly beneficial.
Quitting well requires compassion.
It means acknowledging your own needs and well-being while also considering the impact your decision might have on those around you. Compassionate quitting involves leaving situations in a way that respects the feelings and dignity of others whenever possible. It’s about being honest but kind, ensuring that the decision to walk away is made with empathy and understanding rather than out of frustration or anger.
Quitting well sounds like:
"Thank you for the experience. It's time for me to take a different path. I wish you well.”
The Benefits of Quitting Well
When we teach our kids to quit well, we empower them with:
Autonomy and Agency: They learn to take ownership of their decisions, driving them to actively shape their own future because they’re fully invested in their chosen path.
Opportunities: Room is made for more aligned experiences, allowing them to invest their time and energy in pursuits that better enrich their lives.
Mental Well-Being: They gain renewed clarity and a more positive outlook, paving the way for a brighter and more purposeful path.
Creativity: Freeing up mental space allows them to unlock new possibilities and explore avenues that are better suited and more aligned with who they are.
Teaching our kids to quit well isn’t the promotion of taking the easy way out. It equips them with tools to make thoughtful, informed decisions about their lives and take ownership of their choices. It helps them recognize when a situation no longer serves their growth and gives them the permission and courage to walk away.
Let’s reframe quitting as a powerful, deliberate choice—a choice that, when made well, leads to prioritizing well-being and the pursuit of a life that aligns with one's true self.
"It requires emotional and intellectual awareness, as well as the courage to recognize when persistence is no longer in one’s best interest. Maturely quitting means understanding that leaving a situation isn’t failure but rather choosing what is right over what is easy."
Thank you for this whole essay. I have 14 year old kids and we've been pretty focused on having them finish what they start. This piece offers us a better perspective for making a healthy choice. Thank you!
Fantastic example of embracing the growth mindset. Most of us over the age of 45-50, etc. were raised in a fixed mindset world… so embracing this approach requires a true mindset shift. Thanks for showing us the way!