Ha! Where do I begin? She was going to sleep in her crib, in our master bedroom, for the first six months then transition to her own room downstairs; she was going to be bottle-fed, I would pump; she would go to daycare while I went back to work like "normal" people do; she would be an obedient, "good" child. Well, despite nursing for 3.5 years (never took the bottle), co-sleeping for 5, spending 24/7 with her homemaker mom because of her 32 allergies, she's blossomed into this confident, empathetic, sure-footed, hard-headed, funny, kind 11-year-old who's taught me that change is the only constant in life, grace is necessary for oneself, and love is all you need to be a parent.
*change is the only constant in life, grace is necessary for oneself, and love is all you need to be a parent* - Mansi, you nailed it—articulate and beautiful, as always.
It definitely gave me new appreciation for my own mother and also challenged some of the assumptions I had while growing up about my sister (who was not always nice to me). Sometimes I wish I could go back to my childhood and see it again from the perspective of a parent.
It’s amazing how those childhood dynamics can shift in meaning once we're on the other side. It’s like getting to revisit your past with more compassion—sometimes for others, sometimes for ourselves—and understanding even for the things that were tough. I'll be thinking about this one for a few days. So grateful you shared it.
I thought it was more about teaching them things but the older they get you realise it's a parallel process and you are both on a journey. There are times when they reflect back to you your own inner world. It can be painful sometimes.
Boy, do I relate to this one. I feel like I’ve “grown up” right alongside my kids. It’s humbling how often their insight or reactions catch us off guard and shine a light on something we hadn’t faced in ourselves. Definitely not always comfortable—but almost always exactly what we need. So glad you added this to the discussion.
I used to believe that I was going to deliver without meds for baby #1. With every kind of intervention imaginable including an emergency c-section, quickly realized that anything I believed or thought I could do was completely out the door.
Ugh, yes—that’ll humble you real fast. It’s wild how quickly birth can remind us that we’re not actually in control, no matter how prepared or determined we are. Letting go of what we thought it would look like is a powerful—and often painful, in more ways than one—part of becoming a parent. Thanks for sharing this—you’re definitely not alone in that story.
I used to believe I will not shout...or sound like my own mother. Raising children is really a true mirror, showed me a lot of unconscious pattern I had no idea were there. Always an humbling experience. 🙃
It’s wild how quickly we hear our own parents’ voices come out of our mouths, even when we swore we wouldn’t go there. The way parenting reveals those unconscious patterns is so real—and so humbling, like you said. Thank you for naming that so honestly.
That fear-based strategies are effective. Parenting completely changed my perspective on how to foster resilience and independence in myself and children. Fear is a powerful motivator and useful for legit safety considerations. Most parenting considerations are not life and death as much as we can make them feel like they are. I know a really good writer who has made some modernly unpopular posts on using fear in the parenting realm these days… 👊🏻
Yes—fear might elicit quick compliance, but it rarely fosters the long-term trust and confidence we actually want our kids to have. I love how you framed the distinction between safety and control—such a helpful lens. Maybe there really is something to having unpopular opinions... 🙃
My wife and I thought we’d easily be able to keep our first from screens until he was at least two. That idea died pretty quickly when he started moving on his own while we were both working from home and no daycares were accepting new kids. We’ve kept both our kids to just TV, mostly Ms. Rachel, Blippi, and Bluey, and we try to keep pretty strict limits throughout the week. I really admire parents who were able to keep kids off screens for the first few years. I don’t know how they did it.
This is so relatable—I think so many of us made that same promise before reality hit. Working from home with a mobile toddler and no childcare? Total survival mode. I still feel like I lost control of screen time when COVID hit and never fully got it back. It sounds like you’ve found a really intentional rhythm. Always appreciate your honesty (and insight), Derek—thanks for chiming in!
I didn't know the newborn phase was so simultaneously smushy and challenging. The fact that a chest-sleeping blob can be so much work was an abrasive hit to my expected reality lol
Right?! The newborn phase is such a wild mix of softness and shock. That chest-sleeping blob somehow requires every ounce of your energy—and no one really tells you that part. There has to be a better way to talk about it so new parents are actually prepared—because “soak it all in” doesn’t quite cover the sleep deprivation, nonstop feedings, and identity shift that hits like a truck. Thanks for naming it so perfectly. Smushy *and* challenging.
I never raised my voice with my eldest daughter, couldn’t understand why other parents felt the need to…until my second daughter came along…pretty sure I was yelling before she was talking 🫣😅
Ohhh yes—nothing like a second child to humble all our best intentions 😅 It’s wild how different kids can require completely different versions of us. You’re definitely not alone in that shift.
Absolutely—those early months are like nothing else. It’s a kind of exhaustion that lives in your bones and messes with your sense of time, logic, and reality. It’s wild how something so small can completely wreck you… and still be the best thing that’s ever happened.
Ha! Where do I begin? She was going to sleep in her crib, in our master bedroom, for the first six months then transition to her own room downstairs; she was going to be bottle-fed, I would pump; she would go to daycare while I went back to work like "normal" people do; she would be an obedient, "good" child. Well, despite nursing for 3.5 years (never took the bottle), co-sleeping for 5, spending 24/7 with her homemaker mom because of her 32 allergies, she's blossomed into this confident, empathetic, sure-footed, hard-headed, funny, kind 11-year-old who's taught me that change is the only constant in life, grace is necessary for oneself, and love is all you need to be a parent.
*change is the only constant in life, grace is necessary for oneself, and love is all you need to be a parent* - Mansi, you nailed it—articulate and beautiful, as always.
It definitely gave me new appreciation for my own mother and also challenged some of the assumptions I had while growing up about my sister (who was not always nice to me). Sometimes I wish I could go back to my childhood and see it again from the perspective of a parent.
It’s amazing how those childhood dynamics can shift in meaning once we're on the other side. It’s like getting to revisit your past with more compassion—sometimes for others, sometimes for ourselves—and understanding even for the things that were tough. I'll be thinking about this one for a few days. So grateful you shared it.
I thought it was more about teaching them things but the older they get you realise it's a parallel process and you are both on a journey. There are times when they reflect back to you your own inner world. It can be painful sometimes.
Boy, do I relate to this one. I feel like I’ve “grown up” right alongside my kids. It’s humbling how often their insight or reactions catch us off guard and shine a light on something we hadn’t faced in ourselves. Definitely not always comfortable—but almost always exactly what we need. So glad you added this to the discussion.
I used to believe that I was going to deliver without meds for baby #1. With every kind of intervention imaginable including an emergency c-section, quickly realized that anything I believed or thought I could do was completely out the door.
Ugh, yes—that’ll humble you real fast. It’s wild how quickly birth can remind us that we’re not actually in control, no matter how prepared or determined we are. Letting go of what we thought it would look like is a powerful—and often painful, in more ways than one—part of becoming a parent. Thanks for sharing this—you’re definitely not alone in that story.
I used to believe I will not shout...or sound like my own mother. Raising children is really a true mirror, showed me a lot of unconscious pattern I had no idea were there. Always an humbling experience. 🙃
It’s wild how quickly we hear our own parents’ voices come out of our mouths, even when we swore we wouldn’t go there. The way parenting reveals those unconscious patterns is so real—and so humbling, like you said. Thank you for naming that so honestly.
That fear-based strategies are effective. Parenting completely changed my perspective on how to foster resilience and independence in myself and children. Fear is a powerful motivator and useful for legit safety considerations. Most parenting considerations are not life and death as much as we can make them feel like they are. I know a really good writer who has made some modernly unpopular posts on using fear in the parenting realm these days… 👊🏻
Yes—fear might elicit quick compliance, but it rarely fosters the long-term trust and confidence we actually want our kids to have. I love how you framed the distinction between safety and control—such a helpful lens. Maybe there really is something to having unpopular opinions... 🙃
My wife and I thought we’d easily be able to keep our first from screens until he was at least two. That idea died pretty quickly when he started moving on his own while we were both working from home and no daycares were accepting new kids. We’ve kept both our kids to just TV, mostly Ms. Rachel, Blippi, and Bluey, and we try to keep pretty strict limits throughout the week. I really admire parents who were able to keep kids off screens for the first few years. I don’t know how they did it.
This is so relatable—I think so many of us made that same promise before reality hit. Working from home with a mobile toddler and no childcare? Total survival mode. I still feel like I lost control of screen time when COVID hit and never fully got it back. It sounds like you’ve found a really intentional rhythm. Always appreciate your honesty (and insight), Derek—thanks for chiming in!
I didn't know the newborn phase was so simultaneously smushy and challenging. The fact that a chest-sleeping blob can be so much work was an abrasive hit to my expected reality lol
Right?! The newborn phase is such a wild mix of softness and shock. That chest-sleeping blob somehow requires every ounce of your energy—and no one really tells you that part. There has to be a better way to talk about it so new parents are actually prepared—because “soak it all in” doesn’t quite cover the sleep deprivation, nonstop feedings, and identity shift that hits like a truck. Thanks for naming it so perfectly. Smushy *and* challenging.
I never raised my voice with my eldest daughter, couldn’t understand why other parents felt the need to…until my second daughter came along…pretty sure I was yelling before she was talking 🫣😅
Ohhh yes—nothing like a second child to humble all our best intentions 😅 It’s wild how different kids can require completely different versions of us. You’re definitely not alone in that shift.
It’s crazy how different two children with the same DNA can be 😅
I used to believe I knew what exhaustion was until we had our son. Those newborn months can push you to the absolute limit.
Absolutely—those early months are like nothing else. It’s a kind of exhaustion that lives in your bones and messes with your sense of time, logic, and reality. It’s wild how something so small can completely wreck you… and still be the best thing that’s ever happened.