This was such a great reminder - thank you. My son has had to process a few tough rejections recently. The hardest thing as a parent is to watch my child hurting, struggling, and handle the sometimes painful consequences of their choices. It can be so easy to jump in with judgement or overprotection, or feeling like I dropped the ball as a parent. Better though, I am finding, is to give them a safe space, supportive space to process and not weaponize life events as teaching tools (which is how it can feel, especially to sensitive teenagers.) I find that when life serves up tough lessons, my kids and I are mutually called to work the threshold between agency and acceptance.
And I'm sure you'll be receiving many more messages from me similar to that one in the near future. Thanks for always being the home I can come back to.
"A lot of what our kids eventually understand only becomes real to them when life makes it personal.
That’s not failure. That’s how learning works."
That doesn't feel like a demotion to me because I want to parent well, so much as because I want to be in control. 😂It takes so much letting go to let life teach them!
Thanks for another wonderful teaching from a tiny moment in your parenting journey. 🙏
I'll never forget the first time I encountered the idea that the opposite of love wasn't hate but control: the book "The Shack." The most immediate impact was to change my parenting.
One of the most comforting parts of that text for me was realizing my daughter had a clogged drain, went and got what she needed, figured out how to fix it, and handled it on her own. That felt like both a glimpse of what she’s learned growing up and a reflection of who she is in her own right.
The text was the reward for patient parenting. But, ugh, the waiting is so hard!
Thank you for your thoughtful essay
This was such a great reminder - thank you. My son has had to process a few tough rejections recently. The hardest thing as a parent is to watch my child hurting, struggling, and handle the sometimes painful consequences of their choices. It can be so easy to jump in with judgement or overprotection, or feeling like I dropped the ball as a parent. Better though, I am finding, is to give them a safe space, supportive space to process and not weaponize life events as teaching tools (which is how it can feel, especially to sensitive teenagers.) I find that when life serves up tough lessons, my kids and I are mutually called to work the threshold between agency and acceptance.
And I'm sure you'll be receiving many more messages from me similar to that one in the near future. Thanks for always being the home I can come back to.
Thanks for continuing to come home—such a gift!!
Love you, sweetheart. So, so proud to be your mom. ❤️
"A lot of what our kids eventually understand only becomes real to them when life makes it personal.
That’s not failure. That’s how learning works."
That doesn't feel like a demotion to me because I want to parent well, so much as because I want to be in control. 😂It takes so much letting go to let life teach them!
Thanks for another wonderful teaching from a tiny moment in your parenting journey. 🙏
It’s amazing how often life (and parenting) reminds us that love and control are not the same thing, isn’t it? 😉
Thank you for this, Kelly. “It takes so much letting go to let life teach them” is beautifully said.
I'll never forget the first time I encountered the idea that the opposite of love wasn't hate but control: the book "The Shack." The most immediate impact was to change my parenting.
"Kids come back to people who let them be unfinished." I love this statement and thought.
Thank you!! For all the things. ❤️
Great article- thanks for this.
Thank you!
Loved this.
Thank you, Kayla!
>> .. despite how much of parenthood
>> suggests otherwise, we are not
>> the great teacher in our kids’ lives.
>>
>> Life is.
Right.
But we give our kids the *tools* to interpret life, and to extract its most important lessons.
Which they otherwise might not be able to do. And surely not nearly as well.
That value added we provide must not be underestimated, and cannot be overestimated.
I agree—we absolutely give them the *tools*.
One of the most comforting parts of that text for me was realizing my daughter had a clogged drain, went and got what she needed, figured out how to fix it, and handled it on her own. That felt like both a glimpse of what she’s learned growing up and a reflection of who she is in her own right.
Very well said! Thank you, Erin.