Came across this long after the holiday season and every word resonated. Every. Single. Word. Plus the delivery is brilliant! So glad I found your writing.
I’m sad your daughter has this experience. I’m glad she has you as a mom. You also have a gift at writing and marrying sarcasm and truth in a beautiful way.
This is brilliant! I'm a Presbyterian Minister whose main job is caring for people in the hospital and teaching clergy (and others) how not to be jerks. It is shocking how many people give religion a bad name. I never even thought how they could come for my kids! Thank you for your words and bearing witness to who Jesus really was in his actions.
I love this essay. So beautifully said. It would be heartbreaking if it wasn’t so common. I stopped calling myself Christian in college, when I was told that democrats are listening to the devil, and the woman told me she would pray for my heart to be changed. I can still see her face and can imagine how shocked she’d be to learn that her words marked the end of my religion
We don’t talk enough about the importance and responsibility of being an ambassador for any group, but for churches in particular, this is a deeply missed opportunity.
It’s no surprise that an increasing number of people are checking the 'spiritual but not religious' box these days.
I came across your post because of the "Weekly Stack" email sent by Substack which included your essay as one I might be interested in. It's funny because the algorithm works even when, on the outside, it looks like it isn't. I am definitely not a religious person, although as I move through my mid-40s I become more and more aware of what faith actually means to me. I am also not a parent. I would definitely not say that I don't have faith, but I would say it gets challenged quite often. I love how accessible and real you made this topic in particular because one of the things that spooks me when it comes to the topic of my own belief system is having to interact with people who believe all too fervently that their way is the ONLY way. So, all that is to say thanks for writing this piece so beautifully, for sharing an inner struggle with readers that helped me see myself in your words. Take care!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Tim. And thank you, Substack, for a new and unexpected acquaintance. Your sentiment resonates with me. In my own life, the times I’ve felt the most certain or viewed situations in black and white have (almost always) been followed by events that dismantled that certainty. I’ve grown much more comfortable in the gray areas of life. I am confident in what I know and believe today, but I am always open to the idea that tomorrow, I might learn something new that will change and evolve my thinking. It's curious that this openness, which fosters growth and understanding, is so often undervalued in the church, where certainty—and assumptions that can feel like arrogance on the receiving end—seem to have become prerequisites. I’m grateful for opportunities like this that allow us outliers to find each other.
I loved this so much, Erin. It always, ALWAYS comes down to connection, to being human with other humans, to being kind. Thank you for this beautiful and timely reminder.
Thanks, Carll. You might be right. It also makes me wonder if we’ve simply and mistakenly convinced ourselves that we’re more evolved than those of that time. Maybe humanity is more alike than different across the ages.
Thank you for sparking this reflection—I’ll be carrying it with me throughout the day.
Erin, this essay is brilliant. Absolutely breathtaking in your style, the clarity of your voice, the strength of your message. I am with you. What I can say in a short space and time is this: I, too, have a postsecondary background in religious studies (as a minor to psychology, but I took a lot of extra theology on the side). I grew up Catholic (still am), and what I see about church-as-institution breaks my heart. Guts me.
Church is more political than personal. The clergy are more concerned with the collection basket and numbers attending than in outreach and accompaniment.
But I will tell you that I believe there are quiet saints walking amongst us. I have seen them. I know their love, because I have both witnessed and received it. My spiritual director challenges church-as-institution much the same way your essay has today. She says it's not enough to believe IN Jesus. We have to BELIEVE Jesus. We have to do what he did--go where he went, seek out the most destitute outcasts of society and live as their equals.
And ever since my sweet Sarah was born, I have felt drawn to live in this way. I think what it means to love, what it means to BE church today, is to first recognize that I am not all that different from those labeled the "worst" among us, and second, to befriend them, to get to know them, to stop long enough to notice and hear and see them. To stop the "othering," the us versus them, the superior versus inferior, concepts that divide people into containers too small for them.
So, I have hope. I guess the reason is that I know the only person I can control is myself. And though I am small and not powerful at all, I believe that what I choose to do with my life and how I choose to love others has a strong impact in my little community. And if more of us lived this way, then maybe we really could change the world.
Thank you for sharing your experiences in this realm, Erin! Growing up in the Catholic Church, one of the most memorable acts of Christ's love was during a weekend retreat when I was a young teen. I did not want to be there, and truthfully, I was being a bit of a shit. I remember whining about not being able to wash my hair (which is particularly bizarre to me now as I can go days camping and not think about it) and one of the guys heated water just so I could wash it in the sink. He was always kind, even when I didn't deserve it. THAT made an impact. All of the finger wagging throughout my life has not, and you can imagine how happy I was to learn that a friend was praying for me and my family during their church service to become Christians, or rather, their version of Christian. Um. Not needed, thank you very much. Your passive aggressive savior might do well to crack open the book they claim to love so much.
I love this example of meaningful connection. So often, people attempt to know and influence from 30,000 feet vs. ground level. I'll take a small few who aren't afraid to jump in and get their hands dirty—and I with them—vs. those hovering and assuming all day long. "He walked among us" is so often overlooked or forgotten altogether. It's dirty, messy, uncomfortable "work" but that's where the beauty lies.
Amy, this is very relatable. I will say that, as a Catholic myself, I have come to understand the difference between the VERSION and INTERPRETATION of my religion that I was raised with, versus the religion itself--in the form it was meant to take, meaning how the earliest followers of Jesus lived. I am trying to go back to modeling my life in that way. Many, many Christians are repelling people because of their fire-and-brimstone theology. I believe religion is weaponized to shame those not in positions of authority or power, and I also believe that can change if enough of us do what we can to reform it. Otherwise, Christianity will be nothing more than another philosophy or ideal shoved into the history books.
Came across this long after the holiday season and every word resonated. Every. Single. Word. Plus the delivery is brilliant! So glad I found your writing.
Thank you so much, Heidi! I truly appreciate your kindness.
I’m sad your daughter has this experience. I’m glad she has you as a mom. You also have a gift at writing and marrying sarcasm and truth in a beautiful way.
What a generous and kind comment—thanks so much, Blake!
This is brilliant! I'm a Presbyterian Minister whose main job is caring for people in the hospital and teaching clergy (and others) how not to be jerks. It is shocking how many people give religion a bad name. I never even thought how they could come for my kids! Thank you for your words and bearing witness to who Jesus really was in his actions.
Thank you so much for your kind words—they mean a lot, especially coming from someone doing such vital and compassionate work.
I love this essay. So beautifully said. It would be heartbreaking if it wasn’t so common. I stopped calling myself Christian in college, when I was told that democrats are listening to the devil, and the woman told me she would pray for my heart to be changed. I can still see her face and can imagine how shocked she’d be to learn that her words marked the end of my religion
We don’t talk enough about the importance and responsibility of being an ambassador for any group, but for churches in particular, this is a deeply missed opportunity.
It’s no surprise that an increasing number of people are checking the 'spiritual but not religious' box these days.
I came across your post because of the "Weekly Stack" email sent by Substack which included your essay as one I might be interested in. It's funny because the algorithm works even when, on the outside, it looks like it isn't. I am definitely not a religious person, although as I move through my mid-40s I become more and more aware of what faith actually means to me. I am also not a parent. I would definitely not say that I don't have faith, but I would say it gets challenged quite often. I love how accessible and real you made this topic in particular because one of the things that spooks me when it comes to the topic of my own belief system is having to interact with people who believe all too fervently that their way is the ONLY way. So, all that is to say thanks for writing this piece so beautifully, for sharing an inner struggle with readers that helped me see myself in your words. Take care!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Tim. And thank you, Substack, for a new and unexpected acquaintance. Your sentiment resonates with me. In my own life, the times I’ve felt the most certain or viewed situations in black and white have (almost always) been followed by events that dismantled that certainty. I’ve grown much more comfortable in the gray areas of life. I am confident in what I know and believe today, but I am always open to the idea that tomorrow, I might learn something new that will change and evolve my thinking. It's curious that this openness, which fosters growth and understanding, is so often undervalued in the church, where certainty—and assumptions that can feel like arrogance on the receiving end—seem to have become prerequisites. I’m grateful for opportunities like this that allow us outliers to find each other.
I loved this so much, Erin. It always, ALWAYS comes down to connection, to being human with other humans, to being kind. Thank you for this beautiful and timely reminder.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Irena—it means the world coming from someone whose work and thinking I sincerely admire.
Love this, Erin. The with-ness of it reminds me of Skye Jethani's book "With." One of my favorites. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season!
Oh, I love a good book recommendation, particularly from you. I'll add it to my cart right now. Blessings to you and yours, as well!
Good piece, thanks. Jesus would find today's world rough sledding I suspect.
Thanks, Carll. You might be right. It also makes me wonder if we’ve simply and mistakenly convinced ourselves that we’re more evolved than those of that time. Maybe humanity is more alike than different across the ages.
Thank you for sparking this reflection—I’ll be carrying it with me throughout the day.
Erin, this essay is brilliant. Absolutely breathtaking in your style, the clarity of your voice, the strength of your message. I am with you. What I can say in a short space and time is this: I, too, have a postsecondary background in religious studies (as a minor to psychology, but I took a lot of extra theology on the side). I grew up Catholic (still am), and what I see about church-as-institution breaks my heart. Guts me.
Church is more political than personal. The clergy are more concerned with the collection basket and numbers attending than in outreach and accompaniment.
But I will tell you that I believe there are quiet saints walking amongst us. I have seen them. I know their love, because I have both witnessed and received it. My spiritual director challenges church-as-institution much the same way your essay has today. She says it's not enough to believe IN Jesus. We have to BELIEVE Jesus. We have to do what he did--go where he went, seek out the most destitute outcasts of society and live as their equals.
And ever since my sweet Sarah was born, I have felt drawn to live in this way. I think what it means to love, what it means to BE church today, is to first recognize that I am not all that different from those labeled the "worst" among us, and second, to befriend them, to get to know them, to stop long enough to notice and hear and see them. To stop the "othering," the us versus them, the superior versus inferior, concepts that divide people into containers too small for them.
So, I have hope. I guess the reason is that I know the only person I can control is myself. And though I am small and not powerful at all, I believe that what I choose to do with my life and how I choose to love others has a strong impact in my little community. And if more of us lived this way, then maybe we really could change the world.
Keep doing your worthy work.
That was so well said, my friend. And thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for sharing your experiences in this realm, Erin! Growing up in the Catholic Church, one of the most memorable acts of Christ's love was during a weekend retreat when I was a young teen. I did not want to be there, and truthfully, I was being a bit of a shit. I remember whining about not being able to wash my hair (which is particularly bizarre to me now as I can go days camping and not think about it) and one of the guys heated water just so I could wash it in the sink. He was always kind, even when I didn't deserve it. THAT made an impact. All of the finger wagging throughout my life has not, and you can imagine how happy I was to learn that a friend was praying for me and my family during their church service to become Christians, or rather, their version of Christian. Um. Not needed, thank you very much. Your passive aggressive savior might do well to crack open the book they claim to love so much.
I love this example of meaningful connection. So often, people attempt to know and influence from 30,000 feet vs. ground level. I'll take a small few who aren't afraid to jump in and get their hands dirty—and I with them—vs. those hovering and assuming all day long. "He walked among us" is so often overlooked or forgotten altogether. It's dirty, messy, uncomfortable "work" but that's where the beauty lies.
Amy, this is very relatable. I will say that, as a Catholic myself, I have come to understand the difference between the VERSION and INTERPRETATION of my religion that I was raised with, versus the religion itself--in the form it was meant to take, meaning how the earliest followers of Jesus lived. I am trying to go back to modeling my life in that way. Many, many Christians are repelling people because of their fire-and-brimstone theology. I believe religion is weaponized to shame those not in positions of authority or power, and I also believe that can change if enough of us do what we can to reform it. Otherwise, Christianity will be nothing more than another philosophy or ideal shoved into the history books.