There’s a line in your article that really stood out to me: ‘It’s about showing up with curiosity—seeing the feedback we’re inviting not as an attack, but as an opportunity to learn something valuable.’ This is such a crucial shift in mindset. So often, when we hear criticism, our defenses go up. We want to explain, justify, or minimize. But if parents can truly embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth, it changes everything—both for them and for their children. It’s about stepping out of the role of ‘all-knowing authority’ and into the role of a fellow learner, someone who is genuinely curious about their child’s experience. I feel like this will dramatically change how people will interact at work, school, and so many other areas of their lives!
This reflection is such a gift. You captured the heart of it so beautifully: stepping out of the “all-knowing” role and into curiosity. That shift really does change everything. It softens the dynamic, builds trust, and models something powerful for our kids—how to stay open, even when it’s hard. And you’re so right, the ripple effects go far beyond parenting. As always, I’m really grateful you took the time to share this. 🧡
Wife and I did it with our children last night and then my oldest did it with us and her brothers. Great family moment. They’re still younger so we received responses like we should start giving them more candy but there were some more thoughtful answers too… haha
How fun! I love that your daughter flipped the script and brought her brothers in, too. It shows they feel safe enough to be playful and honest. The thoughtful stuff will keep coming. Thanks so much for sharing this—made me smile.
PS - I can't really argue with wanting more candy.
This simply ROCKS. Thank you. I plan to use with my kids. One tiny suggestion, if I may. Add the question “ what can I improve?” With a tiny bit of adjustment to the order it lets your framework be more easily recalled: KISS. (keep, improve, stop, and start). Thanks agsin.
Genius! Adding 'improve' is a fantastic idea. And, I'd imagine, the effectiveness/success of the order has a lot to do with the temperaments (and comfort levels) of those involved. Ease in vs. rip the band-aid off and end on a high note. Such a valuable suggestion—thank you!
I'd love to hear how it goes if you're inclined to check back in and share your experience.
I love that you begin with the need to “set the table.” So much of parent advice is just a hot take, encouraging parents to drop in the prescribed practice without considering whether the existing relationship will support it.
I appreciate that, Bart—and it's so true. It’s easy to jump straight to the script or the strategy without asking, "Is this moment (or relationship) even ready for this kind of conversation?" The “set the table” piece really is the difference between a breakthrough and a breakdown.
Wow, Erin, what a great set of questions. I've never considered wording these open-ended questions to my kids before: start, stop, keep. I will remember those three words and try them out at the dinner table. Thank you. You always bring such clarity to my parenting experiences, and I find renewed confidence to keep showing up and learning how to build a healthy relationship with my kids.
Thank you so much, Jeannie—this means a lot. And I love that you’re planning to try the questions out at the dinner table. There’s something powerful (and disarming) about asking in a casual, low-pressure moment like that. I’m cheering you on as you continue to show up in amazing ways for kids. You’re doing the real work, and your kids are lucky to have you.
There’s a line in your article that really stood out to me: ‘It’s about showing up with curiosity—seeing the feedback we’re inviting not as an attack, but as an opportunity to learn something valuable.’ This is such a crucial shift in mindset. So often, when we hear criticism, our defenses go up. We want to explain, justify, or minimize. But if parents can truly embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth, it changes everything—both for them and for their children. It’s about stepping out of the role of ‘all-knowing authority’ and into the role of a fellow learner, someone who is genuinely curious about their child’s experience. I feel like this will dramatically change how people will interact at work, school, and so many other areas of their lives!
This reflection is such a gift. You captured the heart of it so beautifully: stepping out of the “all-knowing” role and into curiosity. That shift really does change everything. It softens the dynamic, builds trust, and models something powerful for our kids—how to stay open, even when it’s hard. And you’re so right, the ripple effects go far beyond parenting. As always, I’m really grateful you took the time to share this. 🧡
Man… one of my favorite posts of yours yet
So glad this one resonated—means a lot coming from you.
Wife and I did it with our children last night and then my oldest did it with us and her brothers. Great family moment. They’re still younger so we received responses like we should start giving them more candy but there were some more thoughtful answers too… haha
How fun! I love that your daughter flipped the script and brought her brothers in, too. It shows they feel safe enough to be playful and honest. The thoughtful stuff will keep coming. Thanks so much for sharing this—made me smile.
PS - I can't really argue with wanting more candy.
This simply ROCKS. Thank you. I plan to use with my kids. One tiny suggestion, if I may. Add the question “ what can I improve?” With a tiny bit of adjustment to the order it lets your framework be more easily recalled: KISS. (keep, improve, stop, and start). Thanks agsin.
Genius! Adding 'improve' is a fantastic idea. And, I'd imagine, the effectiveness/success of the order has a lot to do with the temperaments (and comfort levels) of those involved. Ease in vs. rip the band-aid off and end on a high note. Such a valuable suggestion—thank you!
I'd love to hear how it goes if you're inclined to check back in and share your experience.
I love that you begin with the need to “set the table.” So much of parent advice is just a hot take, encouraging parents to drop in the prescribed practice without considering whether the existing relationship will support it.
I appreciate that, Bart—and it's so true. It’s easy to jump straight to the script or the strategy without asking, "Is this moment (or relationship) even ready for this kind of conversation?" The “set the table” piece really is the difference between a breakthrough and a breakdown.
Wow, Erin, what a great set of questions. I've never considered wording these open-ended questions to my kids before: start, stop, keep. I will remember those three words and try them out at the dinner table. Thank you. You always bring such clarity to my parenting experiences, and I find renewed confidence to keep showing up and learning how to build a healthy relationship with my kids.
Thank you so much, Jeannie—this means a lot. And I love that you’re planning to try the questions out at the dinner table. There’s something powerful (and disarming) about asking in a casual, low-pressure moment like that. I’m cheering you on as you continue to show up in amazing ways for kids. You’re doing the real work, and your kids are lucky to have you.
Thanks, friend!
I’ve asked similar questions to my five year old and they have always been eye opening.
I love this! Such a great reminder that even at five, kids have so much insight—and often way more to say than we expect.
Brilliant!! Empowering! I love this practice. So many lessons for the whole family!! Thank you for writing!
Thanks, Mike! It means a lot to know this connected with you.
I’m so glad this helped, Milena. Cheering you on as you start the conversations!