Are You Brave Enough to Ask Your Kids for Feedback—and Really Listen?

3 Simple Questions Every Parent Should Invite Their Kids to Answer

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Parenting can often feel like trying to solve a mystery.

One moment, we think we’ve got a clear understanding of what our kids need—and the next, they seem like a completely different person.
Their moods shift, their needs evolve, and suddenly, the connection that once felt so natural feels just out of reach.

As parents, we try our best to keep up. But often, we fall into the trap of assuming we know what’s going on in their heads.
We get stuck using the same old strategies, making the same guesses, only to find the results don’t match our expectations.

But we’re not mind readers.
And we’ll never truly understand how our kids are feeling—or what they need from us—without intentional effort on our part.

So what if we stopped assuming and asked?

What if, instead of continuing to guess, we invited them to share directly—about what’s missing, what’s working, and what they wish we understood better?

What if we created space to see our kids for who they really are, not just who we think they should be?

Not to fix.
Not to correct.
Not to change or shame.

But to listen.
To learn.
To reflect.
To grow.
And to allow them to be known.

How to Set the Table Before Serving the Questions

Creating space for meaningful conversation isn’t just about asking the right questions—it’s about preparing ourselves and the relationship to make the moment count.

At the heart of a valuable conversation is the freedom to give and receive feedback—the kind that helps us better understand our kids (and ourselves), and take action that makes them feel seen and supported.

As parents, we often approach the relationship as if it’s one-sided—us teaching, them taking.
We’re the ones offering direction, advice, and information, forgetting that all healthy relationships are two-way streets.
When we ask our kids for feedback, we invite them to be active participants in the relationship, not just passive receivers.
Because the ultimate goal should be mutual understanding, and that means listening just as much as we speak.

So what makes these conversations work?
It’s less about having the right script and more about the posture we bring.
The willingness to quiet our instinct to defend.
Letting go of the need to be right.
Hearing the hard stuff without shutting down.

That takes clarity. Humility. It takes guts.

This isn’t the time to defend our parenting choices or explain why we’ve been doing things a certain way.

It’s about showing up with curiosity—seeing the feedback we’re inviting not as an attack, but as an opportunity to learn something valuable.

And it’s almost impossible to do that when we’re distracted or pulled in a dozen directions.
If we’re not fully present, our kids can feel it—and they’re less likely to share what really matters.
What they need most is space. Our attention. A sense that we’re truly invested.
When we show up—without rushing, interrupting, or trying to steer the moment—they’re more likely to show up, too.

That’s how honest conversations start. And that’s how they continue.

Three Questions. No Filters. Big Impact.

What would you like me to start doing?
Stop doing?
Keep doing?

These questions are used in high-functioning corporate teams every day to strengthen collaboration, boost productivity, and align goals.
And just like any successful team, families rely on open feedback to stay connected and grow together.

They’re not complicated.
But they do something rare. They give our kids the mic.
A chance to be heard—not when they’re upset, not when we’re correcting—but as a deliberate act of understanding.

What Would You Like Me to Start Doing?

This is the question that shines a light on what’s missing.
The unmet need.
The invisible gap we didn’t know was there.

It gives our kids a chance to voice what they truly need in real time—
Not what we think they need.
Not what they needed a year ago.

It might be something we’ve overlooked.
Or something they’ve been carrying quietly.
It’s the thing they think about when they walk away from us in silent frustration.
The thing they didn’t have the words for—until now.

Hearing it can be hard.
We want to believe we’re already doing enough.
So when they say, “I want more of your time,” or “It doesn’t feel like you care when you’re not looking at me,” it can hit something tender in us.

But this isn’t about failure.
It’s about clarity.

It’s a way to learn how to show up better.
More fully.
In a way that meets them where they are, not where we assume they are.

What Would You Like Me to Stop Doing?

This is the hardest of the three, because it points to something we’re doing that hurts.

Sometimes it’s a tone we use when we’re stressed.
Sometimes it’s a habit we’ve developed without noticing.
And sometimes it’s something we already feel guilty about—but haven’t been able to change.

Whatever it is, this question creates space for our kids to say, “This doesn’t feel good,” without fear of being shut down.

And that takes maturity on our part.
This is the moment to stay steady—resisting the impulse to jump in, clarify, or make it more comfortable for ourselves.

We invited this feedback.
That means we need to receive it—with grace, with humility, and without turning it into something about us.

Because when we do, we show them that growth isn’t just something we expect from them—it’s something we’re willing to do ourselves.

What Would You Like Me to Keep Doing?

The answer to this question is often the most surprising—and the most encouraging.

It’s a chance for our kids to tell us what’s working.
What makes them feel seen.
What they want more of.

And it’s rarely the big stuff.

It’s not the elaborate vacations or the grand gestures.
It’s the five-minute check-ins.
The bedtime rituals.
The way we say goodnight.

These small, consistent moments—these are the things that stick.

This question gives us a chance to recognize what we’re already doing well, and double down on it.
Not because we’re trying to earn praise, but because it helps us see the real impact of the little things we so often overlook.

And when we hear what matters most to them, it’s a reminder to keep showing up—with intention, with consistency, with love.

Turns Out, Listening Is the Real Superpower

These questions aren’t magic.
They won’t fix everything overnight, and they don’t come with predictable outcomes.
But they offer a shift. A reset. A chance to come back into alignment.

They give us a way to pause the pressure to ‘get it right’—and create space to hear our kids.

From assumption to curiosity.
From performance to presence.
From certainty to discovery.

We’ll never know it all.

But if we’re brave enough to ask, they might show us what we’ve been missing.

These questions aren’t about control.
They’re about connection.
They’re about giving our kids a voice in the relationship that shapes so much of who they’re becoming.

And when we show up to listen—not to fix, not to correct, but to understand—something shifts for them, too.

They feel seen.
They feel valued.
They feel safe.

That’s how trust is built.

And when we lead with that kind of presence, we give our kids what they desperately need.
A relationship that grows with them.
A parent who’s still growing, too.