For parents who aren’t afraid to look inward—and think long-term.
The Self Is the Soil
When I started writing a year ago, I had no idea where it would lead.
I just knew I wanted to write something honest.
Something that cut through the noise and told the truth about what this role really asks of us.
We’re often told the most challenging part of parenting is managing our kids. But I’m convinced that if we dig deep enough, we’ll see the most challenging part is managing ourselves. And most of us were never shown how.
It’s taken me a year to find my lane.
To name what I believe and what this space is really here for.
And I wouldn’t have gotten here without you.
You’ve read. Supported. Challenged. Shared. Elevated. Rooted in.
A few have even said this work makes you braver, clearer, stronger. That matters more than I can express.
You’ve made me a better writer.
A better parent.
A better version of myself.
So, from the core of my being: thank you.
Today—on the one-year mark—I want to name the belief at the center of unpopular PARENT:
Parents who show up as their best selves raise kids who trust both their footing and their freedom.
That’s the belief I come back to every time.
That’s why I write about us.
And that’s what you can expect more of going forward.
Because the way we view, treat, heal—and yes, delight in—ourselves isn’t just a part of parenting. It’s the crux of it—the foundation everything else is built on.
The Self Is the Soil
Every meaningful relationship we build—especially with our kids—grows out of the relationship we have with ourselves.
That doesn’t mean we have to be fully healed or perfectly whole. But it does mean we have to be awake to who we are.
The strengths we lean on.
The insecurities that hijack us.
The reflexes we inherited but never questioned.
Truth be told, whether we face them or not, they still show up.
Through projection. Over-correction. Disconnection.
And our kids feel it. Even when they can’t name it.
To truly hold space for our kids, we must learn how to hold space for ourselves.
Not just accept ourselves—but know ourselves.
Stay with what’s hard.
Make peace with what’s true.
Even when it’s messy or unfinished.
That’s not just a nice idea. It’s a pattern I’ve watched unfold again and again.
The more honest we are about our own complexity, the more permission we give our kids to be fully themselves.
When we meet our flaws with grace instead of shame, we stop punishing theirs.
When we confront the fears we’ve kept quiet, we stop trying to control their future to calm our own.
When we stop abandoning ourselves, we stop asking them to rescue us emotionally.
And that changes everything.
Our kids grow up with less static.
Less distortion.
More clarity.
More safety.
More room to become who they’re here to be—not who we need them to be so we can feel okay.
That’s the shift. And it starts with us.
This isn’t about being “better” parents. It’s about being truer humans.
That’s what I’ll keep writing toward—
The places we hide.
The patterns we carry.
The beliefs we inherited but never questioned.
And the work it takes to grow beyond them.
Because real parenting isn’t behavioral management. It’s emotional leadership.
And that kind of leadership starts with one thing:
Self-honesty.
Not to self-flagellate.
But to self-liberate.
To tell the truth inside our own story, so we don’t pass the silence down.
That’s how we raise kids who know love isn’t tied to performance.
Who understand boundaries as safety, not rejection.
Who don’t have to trade themselves for belonging—because they’ve never been asked to.
Where the Writing Lives
The work here moves across four threads. They overlap by design—but each one speaks to a different layer of the work.
What Parenting Requires of Us
Parenting surfaces our unfinished work. This category turns the focus inward—not with blame, but with responsibility. Our kids respond less to what we say and more to who we are. These pieces explore the patterns, fears, and beliefs that quietly shape us—and how doing our own work expands our kids’ freedom.
» Read more
Where the Relationship Lives
This is the relational core. Trust. Repair. Emotional safety. Authority that doesn’t rely on fear. Boundaries that don’t humiliate. These pieces focus less on control and more on connection—because long after rules fade, the relationship is what remains.
» Read more
Against the Grain
This is where I push back on the advice and behaviors we’ve normalized without examining. The ideas that sound good, look responsible, and quietly undermine trust or capacity. These pieces aren’t written to provoke for sport—they’re written to restore clarity, even when that clarity costs us popularity.
» Read more
Raising Kids for the Long Run
This lens keeps the horizon in view. Not the next phase, the next conflict, or the next win—but who our kids are becoming over time. Independence, resilience, self-trust, and the ability to stand on their own without severing connection. This is long-arc parenting.
» Read more
Still not sure where to start? Try one of these:
A clear-eyed look at how clarity—not effort, not intention—is what makes kids feel safe, steady, and able to grow without guessing where they stand.
____________
Why emotional consistency matters more than perfect rules, and how being someone your child can count on shapes who they become long after childhood ends.
____________
A cultural gut check on where “freedom” quietly slips into neglect—and why the choices we make with our kids don’t stop being personal once they enter shared space.
Congrats on the anniversary, Erin! What a lovely piece. I agree that parenting is just as much, if not more, about growing ourselves as guiding little humans (or bigger humans) in their growing up process.
Congratulations on your anniversary, Erin! What a y difference a year makes 🤩