One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received came from my dad, and Iāve tried to live by it ever since: āWhenever possible, find a way to say yes.ā
Kids are constantly asking for thingsāsometimes wild, sometimes reasonable, sometimes somewhere in between. Instead of defaulting to 'no,' the goal is to find a way to say 'yes' in a way that works for everyone.
For me, itās not about saying yes to everything but about shifting from immediate refusal to āhow can we make this work?ā My hope has been to teach my girls negotiation and problem-solving and that their ideas have value. And itās definitely made parenting feel more like teamwork and less like a battle of wills.
I feel like Iāve read so much wisdom in these comments, yet the first quote I had that came to mind was ādo what works for you.ā š I feel like it sounds so rudimentary, but as a new mom getting hit with the FLOOD of all the āparenting expertsā on social media and the unsolicited advice and opinions that so many people have decided they are required to give me, that was very freeing hear.
That doesnāt sound rudimentary at allāthat sounds like the holy grail of parenting advice! With the constant flood of opinions, expert takes, and 'must-do' rules, ādo what works for youā is one of the most freeing and underrated truths out there.
At the end of the day, no one else is in your home, in your routines, or in your childās unique little world. Tuning out the noise and trusting yourself? Thatās the real wisdom.
My favorite piece of advice I received from my current manager. āParenting is a marathon.ā At the time we were talking about Halloween costumes and holiday traditions and how thereās 18 years to do all the fun stuff so donāt burn yourself out. But I feel itās become such a good mantra for my mental health as a parent too. A reminder that the tough days are all part of the long-term payoff that is raising a capable, happy adult.
Thatās such a great perspective. Itās so easy to get caught up in the urgency of right nowāmaking every moment magical, solving every problem perfectly. But zooming out and remembering that parenting is a marathon? That takes the pressure off. The goal isnāt to sprintāitās to keep showing up, step by step, all the way to the finish line.
"Only warn once, then act." Multiple warnings teach the child to ignore the words and listen to the tone of the warning. This permits the child to ignore warnings until the tone reaches a certain pitch!
Thatās an interesting perspective, and I can see the logic behind it. Kids definitely pick up on patterns, including how many times we repeat ourselves before following through. But whew, in practice, it can be so hard to be that consistent.
Curiousādid you find this approach to work well in your own experience? š
I agree, and the word that keeps coming to mind is consistencyāand how that plays into a childās sense of safety in their surroundings. I always knew that if you warned me, youād follow through. And even if I didnāt like it, I knew what to expect, which meant I could make an informed decision: proceed and deal with the consequences, or course correct.
Iām laughing to myself thinking about The Sunday Box. Did we get a warning for that, or was the box itself the warning? For readers: when I was growing up, if we forgot to (or chose not to) pick up our things, the item would go into 'The Sunday Box'āand we wouldnāt get it back until Sunday.
"The greatest gift we can give our kids is to enjoy parenting them." -Scott Noelle; I've come to realize what makes this the greatest gift is how it will orient them in life, determining whether they experience the world as generally friendly or hostile. It's a gift to us as well because of how it might orient us to the tasks of parenting.
Another that stuck with me, helping me get clear on my values and choose accordingly, "You'll never regret the time you spend with your kids."
I love both of these so much. Thereās something so powerful about the idea that how we experience parenting shapes how our kids experience the world. And that second oneāsimple but so true. Time spent with them always feels like the right choice, even if the to-do list suffers a little. Such a good reminder.
Hindsight is brutal when it comes to big purchasesāespecially the ones that donāt hold their value. š
Somewhat relatedāI recently realized that my kids are finally old enough that I can have nice things again without constantly worrying about them getting ruined. Feels like a whole new chapter. š
"Youāll make a rod for your own back." I knew it wasnāt true and professionally, I understood that leaning into my child's needs would build our relationship. BUT that phrase still hung over me, making me second-guess myself one time too many. If I could ban that phrase, I would ten times over.
Wow, that's a big one. Itās striking how much weight a few words can carryāhow they can make us doubt what we know is right. Itās a great reminder of how powerful language is, especially in parenting. The messages we absorb matter, and so do the ones we pass down.
During my older son's tantrum-prone years, I struggled to say no even when necessary. The most helpful advice I received was to mentally repeat "I am an empathetic brick wall" while setting boundaries. This phrase allowed me to remain firm while still acknowledging his feelings. To this day I still repeat the mantra during difficult moments.
Carrie, this is genius!! Every parent needs to read this. That phrase perfectly captures the parenting sweet spotāfirm, steady, and unshakable, but always rooted in empathy. Absolute gold.
One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received came from my dad, and Iāve tried to live by it ever since: āWhenever possible, find a way to say yes.ā
Kids are constantly asking for thingsāsometimes wild, sometimes reasonable, sometimes somewhere in between. Instead of defaulting to 'no,' the goal is to find a way to say 'yes' in a way that works for everyone.
For me, itās not about saying yes to everything but about shifting from immediate refusal to āhow can we make this work?ā My hope has been to teach my girls negotiation and problem-solving and that their ideas have value. And itās definitely made parenting feel more like teamwork and less like a battle of wills.
I feel like Iāve read so much wisdom in these comments, yet the first quote I had that came to mind was ādo what works for you.ā š I feel like it sounds so rudimentary, but as a new mom getting hit with the FLOOD of all the āparenting expertsā on social media and the unsolicited advice and opinions that so many people have decided they are required to give me, that was very freeing hear.
That doesnāt sound rudimentary at allāthat sounds like the holy grail of parenting advice! With the constant flood of opinions, expert takes, and 'must-do' rules, ādo what works for youā is one of the most freeing and underrated truths out there.
At the end of the day, no one else is in your home, in your routines, or in your childās unique little world. Tuning out the noise and trusting yourself? Thatās the real wisdom.
My favorite piece of advice I received from my current manager. āParenting is a marathon.ā At the time we were talking about Halloween costumes and holiday traditions and how thereās 18 years to do all the fun stuff so donāt burn yourself out. But I feel itās become such a good mantra for my mental health as a parent too. A reminder that the tough days are all part of the long-term payoff that is raising a capable, happy adult.
Thatās such a great perspective. Itās so easy to get caught up in the urgency of right nowāmaking every moment magical, solving every problem perfectly. But zooming out and remembering that parenting is a marathon? That takes the pressure off. The goal isnāt to sprintāitās to keep showing up, step by step, all the way to the finish line.
I love thisāthanks so much for sharing!
"Only warn once, then act." Multiple warnings teach the child to ignore the words and listen to the tone of the warning. This permits the child to ignore warnings until the tone reaches a certain pitch!
Thatās an interesting perspective, and I can see the logic behind it. Kids definitely pick up on patterns, including how many times we repeat ourselves before following through. But whew, in practice, it can be so hard to be that consistent.
Curiousādid you find this approach to work well in your own experience? š
Honestly, I think it did. Maybe applying a healthy dose of parental mutual respect along the way helped. Your childhood memories about the topic?
I agree, and the word that keeps coming to mind is consistencyāand how that plays into a childās sense of safety in their surroundings. I always knew that if you warned me, youād follow through. And even if I didnāt like it, I knew what to expect, which meant I could make an informed decision: proceed and deal with the consequences, or course correct.
Iām laughing to myself thinking about The Sunday Box. Did we get a warning for that, or was the box itself the warning? For readers: when I was growing up, if we forgot to (or chose not to) pick up our things, the item would go into 'The Sunday Box'āand we wouldnāt get it back until Sunday.
"The greatest gift we can give our kids is to enjoy parenting them." -Scott Noelle; I've come to realize what makes this the greatest gift is how it will orient them in life, determining whether they experience the world as generally friendly or hostile. It's a gift to us as well because of how it might orient us to the tasks of parenting.
Another that stuck with me, helping me get clear on my values and choose accordingly, "You'll never regret the time you spend with your kids."
I love both of these so much. Thereās something so powerful about the idea that how we experience parenting shapes how our kids experience the world. And that second oneāsimple but so true. Time spent with them always feels like the right choice, even if the to-do list suffers a little. Such a good reminder.
āDonāt waste money on carsā¦ā š Seriously, one of my biggest regrets š
Hindsight is brutal when it comes to big purchasesāespecially the ones that donāt hold their value. š
Somewhat relatedāI recently realized that my kids are finally old enough that I can have nice things again without constantly worrying about them getting ruined. Feels like a whole new chapter. š
Iām looking forward to that dayā¦š How old are your kids?
Itās awesomeāexcept now, when I go to vacuum out my car, I have no one to blame but myself. š Mine are 17 and 19.
Hah! Looks like I'll be able to justify my messy car for a few more years then!
"Youāll make a rod for your own back." I knew it wasnāt true and professionally, I understood that leaning into my child's needs would build our relationship. BUT that phrase still hung over me, making me second-guess myself one time too many. If I could ban that phrase, I would ten times over.
Wow, that's a big one. Itās striking how much weight a few words can carryāhow they can make us doubt what we know is right. Itās a great reminder of how powerful language is, especially in parenting. The messages we absorb matter, and so do the ones we pass down.
During my older son's tantrum-prone years, I struggled to say no even when necessary. The most helpful advice I received was to mentally repeat "I am an empathetic brick wall" while setting boundaries. This phrase allowed me to remain firm while still acknowledging his feelings. To this day I still repeat the mantra during difficult moments.
Carrie, this is genius!! Every parent needs to read this. That phrase perfectly captures the parenting sweet spotāfirm, steady, and unshakable, but always rooted in empathy. Absolute gold.
Thanks, Erin! It's been my North star ever since those terrible 2s hit! In retrospect, they weren't so terrible after all :)